Sometime around May 2002 I was a member of the Chattanooga Writer’s Guild. I would say, looking back now, it was more for support and the educational guidance into writing I never received earlier in life. I presented a poem written about my father in a poetry workshop. Of course, so personal it was the perfect piece, but much to my surprise, it needed work. I was resistant to the criticism I was given then (although I wrote down and kept every word they said).
It would have been my father’s 87th birthday this past week and I thought of this poem. I re-read the feedback given to me and finally made the adjustments. I openly accept any thoughts, feedback or criticism you may have on this piece. Thanks in advance for your feedback.
Long Distance Phone Call
The pastel colors of spring have a milder focus today
my father spoke with a muttered tone
as he recalled Doctor Lynn
I listened and learned
what we did not want to hear
like a boarding train’s whistle
his words were deafening
piercing in pitch
blasting with force
my suitcases may already be packed
but my feet have to remain on the ground
as I rely on words to hold him to hug him
to give the hope he so desperately needs
without a moment for silence I spoke
Father, rise above the forest floor
when it ignites with such bad news
remember the words you defied in 1928
at birth, weighing just one pound
wrapped in a blanket
placed in a roasting pan
incubated in an oven
that Doctor, never gave you a chance
a chance to serve and defend your country
father and raise four boys
survive a triple bypass
and to have ever learned this word
In May 2008 he passed away, not from the prostate cancer he was diagnosed with six years earlier, that was defeated, but from a heart attack while battling shingles.
beautifully written, I’m so sorry about your father. ♡
Thank you Elle
I don’t want to lend any criticism only to say I applaud the opening of heart to share this segment of life, deeply personal, with the world. Touching work!!
Thank you Grace, and your thoughts of criticism or anything else is always welcomed. 🙂
A very nice tribute to your father. He sounds like lead a triumphant life. I’m glad you reworked the piece. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Kelly
Very touching. A phone call that one would never wish to receive. Lots of love in this piece. I can feel it.
Yes, there is much unspoken love intertwined with this piece. Thank you for reading and comment. 🙂